Every time we’re out together, we seem to catch each other’s eye. This would be a lovely beginning if I had any idea what came after looking. Instead, I’m trying to work out whether he likes me or simply has functioning eyes.
We’re both 18, at the same university, and neither of us has been in a relationship before. He’s a friend of a friend, so I see him when my friend brings him along on nights out. We’ve barely spoken. That last detail is inconvenient, considering how much thought I’m putting into what might be going on between us.
I get shy around him. Not charmingly mysterious on purpose, just shy. I like being near him, but I don’t know how much of that he can actually see. From inside my own head, the crush feels impossible to miss. From where he’s standing, I might just be someone in the group who doesn’t say much.
The eye contact is the only thing I keep coming back to. It happens, I notice it, and then I wonder whether noticing it is the whole reason it seems significant. I can’t turn a few looks into proof that he’s attracted to me. I also can’t quite dismiss them, because I would very much enjoy being right about this particular thing.
What I want is a hint he’ll understand, with enough room left over for me to pretend it wasn’t a hint if he doesn’t feel the same way. A beautifully convenient arrangement for me, admittedly. He would have to recognize my interest while somehow knowing not to make it embarrassing if I’d guessed wrong.
It isn’t only his answer that makes me nervous. We meet through the same friend, in the same social group. I’m not imagining a declaration in front of everyone; I’m trying to avoid the smaller awkwardness of liking someone I’ll probably keep seeing. A crush can feel quite private until the person you have it on is standing among people you both know.
I’ve even found myself wondering what a girl could do that would make a guy fall for her. As if there might be one small, reliable move that gets the whole thing started. But I barely know what this particular guy enjoys talking about, let alone what he’d find irresistible. Wanting him to notice me has somehow got ahead of getting to know him.
A conversation would at least give us something more to go on than looking across a group. Even imagining a simple hello makes me think about how I’d sound, though. I don’t need a perfect line; I just wish a normal one didn’t suddenly feel like such a revealing thing to say.
For now, we’re two people with no relationship experience, a mutual friend, and some eye contact I’m not qualified to interpret. I’m still looking for a way to let him know I like having him around. Preferably before my entire university career becomes an extended exchange of glances.
