Women were coming up to me in bars, asking for pictures and starting conversations. For once, I wasn't trying to come up with an opening line. I was dressed as Jesus, which turned out to be considerably more useful than asking whether someone played pool.
The costume wasn't much of a stretch. I'm 22, tall and skinny, with shoulder-length brown hair and a beard. People already tell me I look like Jesus when I go out. For Halloween, I decided to cooperate. I went to a couple of bars, and a running joke about my appearance became something women could actually walk over and talk to me about.
Ordinarily, the walking-over part is where things get difficult. I go to bars fairly often, sometimes with friends and sometimes by myself. I can see a woman I'd like to meet and then get stuck on how to make the first few seconds happen. Not the whole evening. Just the bit before we're having a conversation.
I've tried the familiar questions. Do you come here often? Do you play pool? Sometimes the answer is a simple no, and there I am with a completed survey and no obvious next question. Trying to keep it going can start to feel like an interview neither of us applied for.
I don't expect every woman to be interested. A short answer can mean exactly that, and I'm fine with it. What bothers me is how often I feel stalled before there's even enough conversation to discover whether we get along. I'm not looking for a sentence that makes rejection impossible. I'd settle for one that sounds like something I would actually say.
Once a conversation gets going naturally, I'm comfortable. I can joke around, listen and be myself. I've had plenty of good conversations with women that way. Being with a friend helps, and so does having something happening around us, like a game of pool or a group hanging out. There's already a reason to speak that doesn't require me to announce the arrival of a stranger.
Halloween supplied that reason without my having to arrange it. Women asked for photos, made jokes and started talking. I met several women, exchanged some contact information and had good interactions. I wasn't silently searching for the perfect sentence while another perfectly usable moment went by. I could answer what was actually happening.
Dating apps haven't worked well for me, and I'd rather meet someone in person. I'm not only looking for hookups; eventually, I'd like a relationship. But I'm not after pickup lines or a clever technique for getting women interested, either. The conversations I enjoyed that night were ordinary conversations once they started.
I came away with contact information, several good conversations and no new opening line of my own. On Halloween, I hadn't needed one. An ordinary night at the bar is still a different matter.
