He has talked about marrying me, but he still hasn't made a plan to see me a second time. We've had one beautiful date, an amazing first kiss, and a month of long distance. Somehow, a wedding has become easier to discuss than the next visit.
I'm 29, and I met him on a dating app. Even getting to that first date wasn't entirely straightforward. After a few days of chatting, he thought I was too serious and that we probably weren't a match. Then I sent a voice note, we had a more open conversation, and his impression changed. We decided to meet after all.
That change mattered to me. It felt like we had gotten past the flat version of each other that can come across in messages. In person, the date was beautiful. The kiss felt amazing too. There was enough there for me to want more, rather than simply be relieved that meeting hadn't been awkward.
Then he went back to Perth. For the past month, we've been trying to keep this going from a distance. He's said he loves me. He talks about marriage. I like hearing those things from a man I'm excited about, even while part of me knows how little time we've actually spent together.
My previous dating experiences make me cautious. I don't want to dismiss something good just because I've been disappointed before. But I also don't want the pleasure of being wanted to answer questions that are still open. A wonderful date tells me I enjoyed being with him. It doesn't yet tell me what being in a relationship with him would look like.
He's very focused on his career, and there are days when he barely texts. I can understand work taking up someone's attention. I don't need every quiet stretch turned into a verdict on his feelings. Still, messages are a large part of what we have right now. When those become scarce, there aren't ordinary evenings together to fill the gap.
The harder part is that there's no concrete plan for another visit. He says he's busy with work and will arrange something. I'm left with the expectation of seeing him again, without a day I can actually look forward to. I can't tell whether his words are running ahead of what he can realistically offer, or whether we're imagining very different levels of commitment.
I keep coming back to my own idea of being in love: wanting to talk to someone and wanting to spend time with them. That isn't proof that everyone shows interest in exactly the same way. It is, however, what would make this feel like something we're both taking part in, rather than something I'm being asked to believe in.
I haven't stopped thinking about that first kiss. I want the next meeting to be just as real. For now, he has told me he loves me, and I'm still waiting to find out when I'll see him again.
