Last weekend, I got stood up. Dating had already been discouraging, but that felt like a particularly efficient way to make it worse. It’s hard to get to know someone who doesn’t appear.
I’m 30, and I’ve never been in a relationship. I want to get married someday, which feels like a fairly distant ambition when I’m still trying to get the first part started. I’m not planning a wedding. I’d just like someone to show up.
On paper, I don’t think my life explains the difficulty. I live in a big city. I’m educated, have a good job, and support myself. I’d describe my looks as average. None of that guarantees a relationship, obviously, but I don’t know what glaring obstacle I’m missing.
I’ve been putting more effort into my appearance when I go out. Nothing dramatic; I just try to look nice. It gives me one less thing to second-guess, although getting stood up has a way of making even a perfectly reasonable amount of preparation feel embarrassing.
I’m also going out more. Meeting someone requires opportunities to meet someone, so I’m trying to give chance a little more to work with. Living in a city full of people should help. So far, the sheer availability of other humans hasn’t quite translated.
Then there are my standards. I’ve started separating preferences from requirements and trying to be more flexible. Some things matter to the kind of relationship I want. Other things may just describe the person I once assumed I’d end up with. I’m willing to reconsider those.
What I can’t tell is whether these are useful changes or whether I’m overlooking something much more basic. I’m making the effort, but I don’t have much experience to help me judge it.
So I’m asking for honest advice, even the uncomfortable kind. Beyond looking nice, getting out, and being more open, what am I missing?
