Would you date a woman who had knowingly been an affair partner? I’ve already had to answer that question for myself. I broke up with an ex over it.
The word knowingly is what matters to me. Someone being lied to about another person’s relationship would be a different situation. In this case, she knew the other person was married or otherwise committed, and she continued anyway. That was the part I couldn’t get past.
Finding that out changed my interest in her. It also changed my respect for her, which feels harder to admit. I don’t have a softer version of the reaction to offer. Once I knew, I couldn’t carry on feeling the way I had before.
I’m aware that this means a choice from someone’s past can become a dealbreaker in my present relationship with them. That’s why I’m asking about it. I know where my reaction landed; I’m less certain how other people would see that standard.
Would they consider it relevant to choosing a partner? Would they hear that history and still feel comfortable moving forward? I’m curious about the difference, because for me the knowledge and the decision to continue are difficult to separate from how I see the person.
I ended the relationship. What I’m still questioning is whether refusing to date someone over knowingly being an affair partner is too high a standard—or simply one I’m not willing to lower.
