When I started dating again at 51, I expected to feel out of practice. I hadn’t been single in 30 years. Meeting somebody new was bound to be intimidating. What I didn’t expect was how little I would feel once I did.
My divorce was three years ago, and it wasn’t something I wanted. Last year, I decided to test the dating waters. After so long in a marriage, even being available to date was unfamiliar territory.
I’ve met some amazing women since then, along with some who weren’t such a good fit. There have been women I found beautiful, successful, compatible, and simply good people. A few seemed so far out of my league that I could hardly believe I had the opportunity to date them.
I know how fortunate that makes me. I can recognize what’s wonderful about someone. I can appreciate that she has a lot going for her and that we seem to have things in common. But somehow, that appreciation doesn’t turn into the emotional connection I keep expecting.
No matter how promising someone seems, I never feel completely satisfied or happy. There’s always something missing, and I don’t have a useful explanation for what it is.
That’s the part that makes this hard to talk about. Listing someone’s qualities sounds as though I’m building a case for why I should feel differently. These are real women I’ve had the chance to know, not reasons I can add up until a feeling appears.
I went back into dating knowing it might be awkward. I could understand nerves, disappointing dates, or simply not being compatible. Meeting people I genuinely admire and still feeling so little has been harder to make sense of.
Has anyone else experienced this after a divorce they didn’t want? I’m dating again, but emotionally, I can’t tell where I am. Sometimes I find myself wondering whether something in me is broken.
