My husband recently asked whether I’d like to bring a bratty dynamic into our sex life, and my response was immediate excitement, followed closely by having absolutely no idea how to do that.
I’m 31, he’s 32, and we already have a dominant and submissive dynamic that I enjoy. I like letting him take the lead. What he’s suggesting now adds something unfamiliar: he wants me to playfully push back.
The idea made me light up. I’m curious, eager, almost giddy about exploring it with him. I just don’t have much experience being deliberately difficult, even as part of something we both want.
In everyday life, I’m accommodating. I tend to keep the peace, avoid conflict, and leave plenty of room for other people’s preferences. Being outspoken hasn’t come naturally to me. I’m already working on giving my own needs and desires more room, so this suggestion caught my attention in a particularly personal way.
There’s something exciting about my husband inviting me to be less agreeable. He’s asking for a side of me I haven’t spent much time expressing, and I want to find out what that could feel like.
The explanations I’ve found haven’t quite helped me get there. A lot of them seem to boil down to being a brat because you’re naturally bratty. Apparently there’s an instinct involved, and mine has been busy making sure everyone else is comfortable.
I want specifics. What does playful defiance actually look like between two people who have agreed to it? How does someone begin when their usual impulse is to cooperate? I’m interested in how that dynamic can work both in the bedroom and, when both people want it, outside it.
I’m not describing something we’ve tried yet. Right now, we’re at the point where he’s suggested it and I’m delighted by the possibility. I’d love to hear from people who know this dynamic, especially anyone who started out as the accommodating one.
He brought up the idea, and I lit up. Now I’m trying to figure out how a woman who avoids conflict learns to enjoy a little agreed-upon trouble.
