I like going out to dinner on dates. I also have a moment, usually around the time the check comes, when I remember that I’m a pretty good cook. Once a woman I’m seeing feels comfortable coming over, I’d like to offer to make us dinner at my place. I’d get to cook for someone I’m excited to see, and we could spend an evening together without paying restaurant prices again.
I know how “Want to come over for dinner?” can sound. There’s a difference between asking someone to meet you at a restaurant and asking her to come to your apartment. At a restaurant, the evening has a built-in ending. At my place, we’d finish eating and still be sitting there, with plenty of room to wonder what the other person has in mind.
I only have sex once I’m exclusive with someone. So if I ask a woman over before we’ve gotten there, I know what I’m offering. It’s dinner with someone I’m attracted to. What I haven’t figured out is whether to say the first part out loud. Bringing up sex before I’ve even told her what I’m cooking seems like a good way to make a simple invitation awkward.
Then I think about how the evening might feel from her side. Say we’ve been flirting, she comes over, dinner goes well, and I let the night end there. I’d be perfectly happy about how it went. She might go home thinking I’d had a change of heart somewhere between clearing the plates and saying goodnight.
If you were the one getting that invitation, would you want me to tell you ahead of time that I wait until I’m exclusive to have sex? Or would you rather I just ask you over for dinner and let the invitation be as simple as it sounds?
