She quit her job and blocked the coworker she'd been seeing before we got together. I hadn't asked her to do either. By the time she told me, I was already struggling with whether I could keep seeing her, and neither decision made that feeling go away.
I'm 30, she's 28, and we'd been circling this relationship for a couple of years. She was living in the Caribbean when we met. The chemistry was strong, we both had good careers, and we wanted similar things. Whenever she flew to the US, she'd get in touch. I wanted to see her, but I couldn't commit to long distance, so I kept pulling back.
Last year, I reached out and learned she'd moved to the US. That should have made things simpler. Instead, a family emergency took up a couple of months while we were trying to arrange a meeting. I'd also failed to follow through before, sometimes disappearing without an explanation. She was understandably upset. I can't put all of that down to circumstances.
This year, I tried again. She agreed to give us another chance, and this time things moved quickly. I really liked her, and I believed she felt the same. After years of almost getting together, we were finally doing it.
Then she told me about a man she'd dated at work before we started seeing each other this year. He was about 24 years older than her. I had been cheated on before, and a coworker was involved in that situation. Hearing about her past brought that experience straight into this one.
She hadn't cheated on anyone. I knew that. Still, I couldn't stop judging her decision to date a much older colleague. Professionalism matters to me, and I saw that relationship as a sign of poor judgment. Those were my conclusions about a choice she'd made before me, but they changed how I felt about a future with her.
When she understood how much it bothered me, she left the job and blocked him. She told me afterward. I said it hadn't been necessary, especially with the job market the way it was. She had made a major change, and I still didn't know whether I wanted to be with her. I had no new betrayal to point to, just a distrust I couldn't shake.
There was uncertainty ahead, too. She's studying for her boards and doesn't know where she'll be next year. Earlier, I'd been willing to spend that time with her and see what happened. Now the same unknowns felt harder to accept. I still admired her ambitions. I was also afraid of investing in someone and ending up feeling foolish again.
She kept messaging, trying to explain. I told her I didn't know what I wanted anymore. Eventually she asked for a clear answer, which was fair after everything we'd already been through. I said we should stop seeing each other for now, have no contact, and perhaps try again in the future.
Even while ending it, I was leaving room for another attempt. I'd already been the one who pulled back more than once. She told me this had been the last chance she was willing to give me.
