When she wished me all the best, I wished her all the best back. I thought that was a fairly respectable way to be rejected. Apparently, I had missed the part where I was supposed to object.
We had been on one date. I’m 26, and we’d met through a dating app, chatted for a while, then finally met in person. I thought it had gone reasonably well. Afterward, she messaged to say she’d enjoyed meeting me and suggested we do something again. There wasn’t much detective work required at that point. She had expressed an interest in seeing me.
This is where I have to admit my contribution. I’m not a particularly good texter. Sometimes I take a while to reply, and I wasn’t quick about arranging our second date either. I wanted to see her again, but I hadn’t done much to turn that interest into an actual plan. From her side, there was a perfectly reasonable gap between what I might have been feeling and what I was showing her.
A few days ago, she sent a message saying she didn’t think things would work out. She felt I wasn’t showing enough interest or making enough effort to arrange another date. Then came the good wishes. I was disappointed, and the message surprised me, but I accepted it. I didn’t want to become the man arguing that a woman was mistaken about not wanting another date with him.
So I replied politely and wished her well. Then she came back with something I hadn’t expected: if I felt differently, I could fight for it instead of simply agreeing with her. I had understood the conversation as an ending. She wanted me to say I still wanted to see her.
She later explained that she’d become fed up waiting for me to arrange something. She wanted me to express how I felt rather than accept the situation so easily. I can understand wanting a little enthusiasm from someone you’ve already told you’d like to see again. My delayed replies and lack of a plan hadn’t exactly supplied an abundance of evidence.
Still, being told that things won’t work out doesn’t sound to me like a request for greater enthusiasm. It sounds like a decision. We weren’t a couple trying to save a relationship. We were two people who’d met once, and I thought taking her words seriously was the decent response. I would have found a direct complaint about my lack of effort easier to answer than a goodbye I was expected to challenge.
I told her I was disappointed and had wanted to meet again. I also explained that I hadn’t wanted to seem unable to accept rejection. I acknowledged that I could have made more effort. Between those explanations, we agreed to a second date. We had managed to arrange another date while discussing why we hadn’t arranged another date.
Now I’m having second thoughts. I enjoyed meeting her, and some of me still wants to see where this goes. But I’m uneasy about having to prove my interest by questioning what she says. We’ve agreed to meet again. I’m still deciding whether I want to.
