Sometimes our conversation reaches what seems like a perfectly natural stopping point. Then, hours later, he comes back with another question or a completely different subject. Nothing urgent. Usually nothing to do with work. Just another reason for us to keep talking.
That is the part I keep coming back to. I’m 37, he’s 27, and we work together in New York. For the past month, we’ve been texting regularly enough that the conversation seems to carry on through our days off, too. There is no shortage of things to say. There is, however, one thing neither of us is saying.
We had good conversational chemistry in person before the messages became such a regular part of things. Talking was easy, and that ease followed us onto our phones. At some point, I developed a crush. I can’t point to a declaration or a big romantic moment that caused it. There hasn’t been one. I just know that my interest in him is no longer entirely about enjoying a good conversation.
Our messages are about our days, our families, movies, food, plans for the future, and whatever else comes up. We rarely talk about work. That matters to me because being colleagues could explain practical messages, but it doesn’t explain the range of things we choose to share. We already have a reason to be in contact. We keep finding other ones.
He remembers details I’ve told him. He checks in about things I’m doing. Sometimes, without my asking, he explains why he hasn’t replied for a while. Those small signs of attention are easy to notice when you like someone. They make the conversation feel personal, even though personal and romantic aren’t necessarily the same thing.
And that is where the evidence stops short. He doesn’t flirt with me. He doesn’t compliment me or make a romantic move. We can be playful, but the messages stay friendly. I can describe how much he talks to me much more confidently than I can describe what he wants from it.
There are complications to our dynamic that I haven’t spelled out. The ten-year age difference and the fact that we work together are part of the situation, but I can’t turn either into an explanation on his behalf. He might be attracted to me and choosing not to show it. He might simply have found someone he really enjoys talking to. The same messages leave room for both.
What makes this difficult is that I’m already reading them with a crush. A remembered detail feels different when I’m hoping it means he likes me back. I don’t want to dismiss his attention, but I also don’t want to supply the flirtation myself and then credit him with it.
For now, our conversations are still friendly, sometimes playful, and never romantic. My crush is the part I can name. His is the part I’m still trying to work out.
