A week after we had sex, I texted him to ask if he wanted to hang out. We were already friends, already sleeping together, so it didn't seem like an especially complicated invitation. He didn't answer. By then, the silence was starting to feel less casual than the arrangement itself.
I don't want a relationship with him. I'm certain about that, and it's the part I keep coming back to when I wonder whether I'm allowed to be this annoyed. I'm not waiting for him to announce that he has feelings for me. I wanted a reply from a man who had been quite comfortable spending time in my home.
We'd known each other for a while, and being friends with benefits hadn't meant that we only saw each other for sex. We went out for drinks and dinner. He'd walked my dog. He'd showered at my house and left some of his things there. Those are ordinary details, but together they made his silence feel strange. He had a place in my day-to-day life, even if he wasn't my boyfriend.
None of that meant we were secretly becoming a couple. I don't want to turn a dog walk into evidence of a future neither of us had promised. But it does explain why I thought asking to see him would get some kind of response. We'd managed dinner. I hadn't expected a text to be where familiarity became too much.
The last time we hooked up was three weeks ago. For the first week afterward, I heard nothing. Then I reached out, and still nothing. I was the one sitting with the awkward feeling that we'd shared something I enjoyed, and afterward I wasn't worth acknowledging. That feeling is a huge turnoff for me. I don't like feeling as though a man is interested in me only when we're having sex.
When he finally got in touch, I thought what he sent was complete nonsense. I don't know what was happening on his side during the silence, and his eventual message didn't change how I felt about being ignored. I do know that hearing from him didn't make me pleased to pick things back up.
Now I'm caught between leaving him unanswered and telling him exactly where he can go. Not a careful speech about the future of us; there isn't a future relationship I'm trying to negotiate. More the blunt response that comes to mind when someone makes you feel foolish for expecting a little consideration.
There's also the friendship part. Calling it friends with benefits made sense because we were friends. I didn't think the sex would require us to become strangers in between. If he'd been someone I barely knew, I might have had less to compare the silence with. Instead, I can compare it with the man who was comfortable enough to leave his belongings in my house.
I'm still deciding whether to answer his message. As for the things he left behind, right now I want the whole lot in the trash.
