My girlfriend saw a Reel about couples never going more than 72 hours without sex, then asked whether I would commit to it. Until then, I hadn’t realized our sex life was missing a deadline.
I’m 53, she’s 54, and we’ve been together for ten months. We really like each other. We’re even talking about marriage. Nothing about this was presented as a response to a long dry spell, which makes the request harder to place.
Looking back over those ten months, the only time we would have broken the rule was during a week when we were traveling separately. Apparently, we’ve been doing quite well under a policy neither of us knew existed. The one exception involved being in different places, an obstacle I would have thought deserved automatic recognition.
So my hesitation isn’t about the prospect of having sex with my girlfriend. I like that part. It’s about agreeing in advance that a certain amount of time must never pass. Something we already seem to want becomes something I have promised to deliver.
There’s a flattering version of this request. A woman I’m serious about wants us to keep wanting each other, and she’s asking me to be equally serious about that. At our ages, with marriage in the conversation, a direct expression of desire is hardly unwelcome. I don’t want to turn enthusiasm into a courtroom exhibit just because it arrived through social media.
But the wording matters. Wanting regular sex and agreeing never to cross an hourly limit are different commitments. One describes what we enjoy. The other leaves me wondering what happens on the first occasion when the clock and one of us disagree.
I don’t know what she imagines would happen then. I don’t have an explanation of penalties or exceptions to go on. My mind has supplied the word “trap” without waiting for supporting paperwork. It has also supplied “controlling,” even though I can’t point to a wider pattern of that in her behavior.
That’s the awkward part of being happy with someone and still being wary of a request. I have ten months of liking her and one proposed rule making me nervous. Calling it a red flag would give the rule a lot of weight. Agreeing just because everything else is good would give my unease none.
The marriage conversations add another layer. A promise about the next three days sounds different when I’m also thinking about sharing the years ahead. I can imagine wanting to protect our sex life from becoming an afterthought. I’m less sure about promising that it will always fit inside the same interval.
If she means we should keep making time for sex, I can understand the appeal. If she means either of us has failed whenever 72 hours pass, that is a much bigger agreement. Those sound like very different requests to me.
For now, we have a relationship I’m excited about, a sex life that would already have met the rule almost the entire time, and a question I haven’t settled. The week apart is still my only known violation. I hadn’t even signed up yet.
